


To Be Human

by Babereflective



Category: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: 6000 Years of Pining (Good Omens), Aziraphale kinda knows lol, Crowley doesn't like his eyes :(, First Kiss, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, How Do I Tag, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I mean its kinda angsty???, Ineffable Husbands (Good Omens), Ineffable Idiots (Good Omens), Insecurity, Love Confessions, Pining, soft, the ending was kinda rushed sorry, they kiss and its really cute trust me, this is self service
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-09
Updated: 2019-07-09
Packaged: 2020-06-25 04:19:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19738177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Babereflective/pseuds/Babereflective
Summary: They had averted the apocalypse. They had saved humanity. Both the angel and the demon were now misfits, runaways, and quite frankly, they didn’t seem to mind. They were both free. Free to live, and free to love, much unlike they had been able to before. They had become almost human in their own rights.And to be human is to feel.





	To Be Human

**Author's Note:**

> So I didn't proof read this so sorry if there are mistakes, and sorry if the ending seems a little weird?? idk I feel like it's rushed or something. But enjoy these dummies being dumb and in love and clueless :))))))

6000 years. 6000 years and Crowley had been in love with Aziraphale for each and every one of them. 6000 years and Aziraphale still didn’t know. He still didn’t know that every time they bumped into each other over the years it had been planned. He didn’t know that Crowley went out of his way to be able to see the angel. His angel.

He waited 6000 years, and was willing to wait 6000 more if that’s what it took.

Lucky for him, he didn’t have to.

They had averted the apocalypse. They had saved humanity. Both the angel and the demon were now misfits, runaways, and quite frankly, they didn’t seem to mind. They were both free. Free to live, and free to love, much unlike they had been able to before. They had become almost human in their own rights. 

And to be human is to feel.

Crowley felt the brunt of this. He felt love, a feeling that demons weren’t supposed to feel. Which, deep down, he knew he had always felt. Ever since the beginning, ever since he met Aziraphale.

But if Crowley could feel love, then he must feel fear as well, he must feel pain. This was a feeling more deeply rooted in him, distilled in him ever since he fell. It’s true that most demons could fear, could feel pain. They were, after all, in Hell, and Hell showed no mercy. But no demon could feel these feelings to the extent that Crowley could, because if he could love, then he could lose.

Lose Aziraphale, lose it all.

He had never felt so afraid as when he thought he had lost his best friend for good. It was more than just pain, it was agony, it was devastation, it was complete and utter torture. It was worse than anything Hell could ever do to him.

But then Aziraphale was ok, he was untouched, and so Crowley felt another emotion that came unnaturally to demons: hope. Because if Aziraphale was alive, then maybe they’d be ok.

And it turns out they were. But let's go back to the situation. They had, like I said, averted the apocalypse, they outsmarted their authorities, and now, just maybe, they’d be left alone for good. But this presented another problem. The angel and demon were now free to do whatever they wanted. They could very well live their lives like humans if they wanted to (some may argue that they had already been living like humans). They could indulge and nobody could tell them no now.

And that was the problem. During all those years of loving Aziraphale, Crowley could never say, he would never be able to admit to it, because if heaven and hell found out, that would be the end all of them both. That was his excuse, that there would be consequences if he told, but now he had no excuse. Nobody would arrive from the pits of hell and destroy him if he confessed just how much he loved his angel. And that was agony.

He battled in his mind over whether he told, or whether he bit his tongue and spent the rest of eternity as just Aziraphale’s best friend. Which, that in itself wasn’t a bad thing, but he would likewise spend the rest of eternity fretting over what he could have had instead.

But admitting posed a possibility that Crowley did not want to face: losing his angel for the second time. The only difference is, this time it would be forever. If he told Aziraphale, he could scoff in his face, he could be revolted, and could decide to never speak to Crowley again, much like he threatened to before facing Satan.

And so Crowley was at a crossroad.

In the following days after the ‘demon’ sat in a tub filled with holy water, and the ‘angel’ stood in a tornado of hell fire, there was plenty of grey area. What would the two of them do since they didn’t have sides anymore? As it turns out, they spent a lot of time together, dining and drinking and reminiscing over decades gone by in Aziraphale’s dusty little bookshop.

So one day in particular, after dining at the Ritz and strolling through the park as per usual, they chatted at the shop about nothing, really. And in a swift moment of decidedly poor judgement, Crowley asked a question that had been pressing his mind since he realized he loved Aziraphale.

“Angel, can I ask you a question?” he said unsure, only then realizing that he had accidentally cut Aziraphale off from whatever he was rambling about. He watched as the question processed on the angel’s face, which displayed a tinge of uncertainty.

“Why, yes of course my dear.”, he said, eyebrows furrowed as he set down his newly poured glass of wine.

Crowley felt his stomach drop as he realized there was no going back now. 

“It’s just,” he paused. “You know how you can, you know, feel love. Like around people, places, stuff like that.” he asked, nearly holding his breath, though he didn’t have any.

Aziraphale said nothing in return, but nodded his head. Crowley swallowed hard, feeling yet another feeling that wasn’t so common for demons to feel. Crowley was anxious.

“Ok, well. I was just wondering,’ he continued. This was it, he thought, this is the deciding moment of whether Aziraphale will stick around or leave forever. “I was just wondering if, if you ever felt any love,” he paused again. “Around me.”

As he finished speaking, he turned his head down towards the wine glass he was holding. He was suddenly very thankful for his dark sunglasses, but he wondered for a brief moment if Aziraphale could see right through them. 

He wasn’t sure which was worse; the silence that followed or the moment Aziraphale began talking.

“Crowley,” he said gently. It made Crowley want to melt right then on the couch. 

“Crowley, dear, would you mind taking off your glasses?” he asked with a tone of voice which could make Crowley do anything. But any sense of security Crowley had felt was fleeting, and his sunglasses were his shelter he could hide in.

He looked up at the angel, but he hesitated. If Aziraphale could truly see behind his glasses like Crowley had wondered, he would see a pair of eyes which showed the fear Crowley was so desperately trying to conceal. 

He turned his head for a short second away from his angel, and he heard him stand up from his chair and walk next to where the demon was sitting on the couch. He felt it dip down in the spot next to him.

“Crowley,” he said again, softly and very, very quiet, pleading the demon to look at him.

So Crowley did. He turned his head up to face the angel next to him. And in the manner as which he spoke, Aziraphale lifted his hands up carefully to Crowley’s face and took off the glasses he hid behind.

Crowley was very tempted to close his eyes. He was ashamed about many things, but that one that nagged at him the most was how his eyes spoke for him. They remind him and everyone else that he fell from heaven. They remind him that he’s a demon, and if he’s a demon, he doesn’t deserve to be loved, especially not by an angel. They remind him that he is unforgivable. 

But he doesn’t give in to the temptation, instead he keeps his eyes open and looks at Aziraphale’s blue ones. There’s a beat of silence before Aziraphale answers the question.

“Yes,” he says, folding up the sunglasses and setting them down on the table in front of them. “I’ve always felt love around you.” he finished, giving an almost sad smile as his eyes moved around Crowley’s face. He vaguely noted how close they were sitting.

The demon’s mouth formed an O and his eyes darted to the floor.

“Then, if you, you know, felt it, why didn’t you say anything?” he asked quietly.

“My dear, I was waiting for you to tell me yourself.” He told him frankly, but wore a smile.

It was the smile that made Crowley at least somewhat sure that, even though Aziraphale knew the demon loved him, maybe he wouldn’t leave him after all. Crowley smiled back at him. They sat for another moment in silence before Aziraphale said anything more.

“And Crowley?”

“Yes?”

“I love you too.” 

At that, Crowley wanted to weep tears of joy, which was a more common occurrence among angels. But he didn’t. Instead, he moved closer to Aziraphale. The fear he had felt moments ago seemed like something of the past. He was not cast out for the second time in 6000 years. His angel loved him, he didn’t have to be afraid.

They both faced each other on the couch, and Aziraphale wordlessly returned his hand to Crowley’s face, this time resting his thumb gently on his cheek, and he leaned into the touch. Everything was so very gentle. They locked eyes, unsure of what would happen, so the angel took the initiative and leaned forward. 

Neither of them had ever kissed anyone before, it was far too human for angels and demons alike, but they both understood why the humans did it in that moment. It was about connection. It was about love. And afterall, weren’t they, deep down, just a little bit human too?

It wasn’t hungry, it wasn’t forceful. It was careful and slow and only lasted for a short moment. They pulled away from each other and rested their foreheads together, and they smiled. 

And right then, Crowley knew that he had the privilege the feel everything that no other demons could. He knew that it really didn’t matter if he fell from heaven, because even if he was unforgivable in the eyes of God, he was forgiven by the only one he truly loved, and that’s all that really mattered.

**Author's Note:**

> Howdy partners. How was that? Was the ending as rushed as I think it is? Let me know if you liked it !! This is my first Good Omens fic and I was just bored and decided to write what I like to read :) I really hope you guys liked it and comments are always appreciated! B Y E !


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